50 Comments
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Lucy Conway's avatar

Your sentence about the distance from a museum and not minding, will keep me going for ages. Beautifully put.

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AGB's avatar

Yes!! So true

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Dan Keane's avatar

Dead on & deadly & and yet also loving. So dang good

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Sara's avatar

Incredible 🤣. I only recently discovered Rory Stewart on account of listening to The Rest is Politics podcast but was yet to put a face to the voice. I’m not sure what to make of all this. I find it frustrating that the few sex dreams I’ve had over the years involve people I don’t want to have sex with and no actual sex occurs.

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Leah McFall's avatar

Same HERE! Such a waste!

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Ineka Vogels's avatar

Leah, you have me in fits, this is hilarious! A national treasure - get thee to Te Papa!! Also, when's the book coming out?

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Leah McFall's avatar

Oh my goodness, Ineka. I keep being distracted from it. SIGH

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Margaret McVey's avatar

Aw brilliant piece. Made me smile all the way through. Laughed out loud at bits and loved the response of the friends husband , ‘ who hasn’t?’

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Leah McFall's avatar

Oh, me too, Margaret! It made my day, his remark

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Carol's avatar
6dEdited

I was horrified to wake up once and find I’d had a sex dream with Alex Salmond. I’m not even an SNP supporter!

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Leah McFall's avatar

Snortle! Your blood must have frozen in your veins!

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Leigh's avatar

OMG. Literally crying. I was watching TRiP yesterday and did a little stalking, it started with me wondering whether or not he dyes his hair? But ended up being a deep dive into wife, wedding, latest news etc. And then this today!

My last hot dream was about Marlon Williams, who said he really needed to be with me…. Even though I couldn’t give him any children. 😆

You’ve made my weekend . (60 from Ori Bay)

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Leah McFall's avatar

Marlon should be so lucky!!!!!! Thank you, Leigh!

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Lisa McLean's avatar

Laughed so loud my dog woke and adjusted his position.

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Elaine R. Frieman's avatar

The wallpaper! 🤣

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Leah McFall's avatar

🤣

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The Lighthousekeeper's Muse's avatar

I'm not having any sex dreams 'on the patch'. I'm feeling very cheated. But not cheating. I completely agree about NZ options though. God forbid, if a dream did happen, it would probably be someone like Darroch Ball!

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Leah McFall's avatar

Snicker!!!!!!!!

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Deborah Coddington's avatar

Killing me.

Oh, by the way, I was doom scrolling through The Spinoff (it's so depressing) and came across a bright patch which was your piece on Guinea Pigs. Jesus aren't they just horrible critters for pets? No wonder they are a gourmet delight in Sth America. My kids had them too and every time we opened the back door they squeaked for food. I think in the end they escaped and one of our dogs ate them. All guinea pigs come to a sad end, alas. But I loved your piece on them.

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Leah McFall's avatar

They were the WORST. Mucking out bags and bags of filthy straw, cutting up their veg and offering enrichment activities, and they were just furious or depressed all the time. UGH.

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Sue Heath's avatar

Nowt wrong with Rory! Might not be the prettiest boy, but they are usually of the Other Path. And think of the conversation! You'd NEVER be bored!

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Leah McFall's avatar

I agree. Unconventional looking men are usually the sexiest

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Sue Heath's avatar

I think there is something appealing about him, tbh. My friend agrees, but we are so old maybe we can see beyond the obvious….

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Helen Barrell's avatar

Oh, heck, he looks like my *brother*! 🤣 🤣 🤣 Who is also a card-carrying member of the Tory party. He likes going sailing, used to have pet sheep, and because he's going grey at the temples, looks a bit like Gary Linekar as well. Just chucking that at your subconscious to see what happens!

(My grandad's cousin moved to NZ and built a mausoleum in his back garden for his wife's coffin... I can see that lusting NZ men might be a little... Awkward....)

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Leah McFall's avatar

SNORTLE!!!! NZ men are very into DIY, it has to be said 😄

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Helen Barrell's avatar

That would explain it! 😂

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Christina Patterson's avatar

Utterly brilliant. Thank you.

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Leah McFall's avatar

💐

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Jane O’Loughlin's avatar

Most people's accounts of their dreams are boring. This wasn't!!

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Leah McFall's avatar

He’s a babe. What can I say?

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Charlotte Glennie's avatar

Rory needs to read this Leah. I reckon it would make his day!

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Leah McFall's avatar

Imagine!!!!!

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Susan Elliot's avatar

Beautiful writing and so funny - still laughing (with a big pinch of soudade - my criteria included a symphony orchestra, a university and a major library).

I think there is a word for your kind of tortured lust - though surely that photo of the 'wife' in flats and Rory Stewart in WTF would extinguish that particular fantasy. Best to stick to podcasts.

And so relieved to find your Rory Stewart was not the 9 year old Rory Stewart up the street with the skate board practice ramp in the driveway.

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Leah McFall's avatar

WTF is exactly right. I think it was regalia for the King's coronation? He looked like a toy soldier

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Susan Elliot's avatar

or an unloved Christmas Nutcracker

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